


The Dad You Didn't Have to Be

by Likemycoffee



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 13:24:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likemycoffee/pseuds/Likemycoffee
Summary: Aaron doesn't have to be a Dad to Sebastian. He steps up anyway.Series of ficlets.





	1. 3 months old

3 months old   
Aaron was walking back to the Mill with the grocery bag when he saw them - Robert and Seb; or rather he saw Robert pushing the pram and he heard Seb's cries. 

Robert had his back to him and so he didn't see Aaron's approach but Aaron heard Robert talking to his son, or rather, pleading with him. 'Please Seb. Please just go to sleep.'

'Are you ok?' Aaron asked and when Robert turned to look at him Aaron was shocked by his appearance. Robert looked like he hadn't slept in a week. Dark circles were under his eyes and he looked pale and drawn; his hair wasn't styled and looked like Aaron had seen it many times before when he'd just got out of bed. He was also dressed in a pair of tracksuit bottoms and a t-shirt underneath his jacket, he didn't look like his Robert at all. 'You look awful,' Aaron said without thinking. 

'Thanks,' Robert replied sarcastically. 

'No - I didn't mean...' Aaron stopped himself before he could make things worse. 'How are you? I haven't seen you around much lately.' It had been almost two weeks, not that Aaron had been counting. 

'Yeah, I'm...' Robert sighed and looked down at his son. 'I don't know what to do. He just won't stop crying.'

'Does he need changing or something?'

'Yeah I never thought to check that, thanks Sherlock.'

'Alright Robert I'm only trying to help.'

Robert seemsd to deflate before Aaron's very eyes. 'Sorry,' he said. 'I'm just so tired. He's not been sleeping so that means I'm not sleeping and it doesn't matter what I do - feeding him, changing him, bathing him, holding him, not holding him - nothing makes any difference for long. He just won't settle.'

'How long has he been like this?'

'A couple of weeks. I took him to the doctors but they said there's nothing wrong with him and he'll probably grow out of it. I don't know what to do.'

'Do you want me to try?' Aaron asked. He wasn't sure what made him offer. He'd always thought that he'd want to avoid holding Seb, couldn't imagine any scenario where interacting with Robert and Rebecca's son would be a good idea, but now that it came down to it, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

'Be my guest,' Robert replied and he watched as Aaron reached into the pram and lifted Seb out, holding him tightly. Seb continued to grizzle for a few moments and then he just stopped crying. Robert stared at Aaron. 'How did you do that'

'I don't know,' Aaron shrugged. 

'Huh, I guess that means it's me then,' he said quietly and Aaron to his horror, saw Robert blinking back tears. 

'What do you mean?' 

'It's me. I'm making him miserable. It's not me that he wants.'

Aaron wasn't an expert on babies, not by a long stretch of the imagination but he helped Sandra look after Liv and he'd spent time around Leo and more recently Issac so they weren't completely foreign to him. 'He's probably picking up on the fact that you're so stressed out,' he said softly. 'You need a break Robert.'

'Chance'd be a fine thing. I'm all he's got now remember?'

Aaron looked down at the tiny baby, cradled in his arms, he'd already been through so much in his short life, losing his mother; his grandfather; his aunt... Aaron wondered if Seb was aware of all that'd happened to him?

'Can't Vic help out?'

'She's got enough on her plate right now. I can't leave him with her when he's like this.'

'What about Diane?'

'She's just really busy with the B&B, you know? and helping Victoria,' Robert replied uncomfortably. 'And well - me and her have never been that close, have we?'

Aaron wanted to argue that surely if Diane knew how badly he needed help that she'd be straight round, but then, the fact that she didn't know was because she hadn't been round to see how Robert was doing for herself so Aaron could understand why Robert didn't want to approach her and ask for her help. 

The sadness in Robert's voice made Aaron's heart ache for him. He hated the thought that Robert felt like he had no one to turn to anymore. He looked at Seb again and his eyes were now closed. He'd fallen asleep in Aaron's arms. 

'Alright,' Aaron said, acting instinctively before he could think about it too much. 'That's it. I'm coming back to yours.'

'What?' 

'You need a break Robert. I'll come back with you and you can have a shower and get a couple of hours sleep. I'll keep an eye on little man.'

'You don't have to do that. I'm sure you've got better stuff to be doing.'

'I really don't and I'm not taking no for an answer,' Aaron looked at Robert as if daring him to argue.

'Fine then,' Robert relented and they walked back towards Robert's house, Robert pushing the pram and Aaron still holding Seb. 

When Rebecca died, Robert had decided that Seb needed a proper home, so he'd rented Rose Cottage, a two bedroom house on the edge of the village. Aaron, in the spirit of best friend-dom, had helped Robert haul boxes from Victoria's spare bedroom over to the new house, but he hadn't been inside since and when he walked through the door he was surprised by what he saw. 

There were piles of laundry covering the sofa; piles of dishes sat unwashed in the sink. In all the years he had known Robert, the man's possessions had always been kept neat and tidy. It was obvious to Aaron that Robert was embarrassed about the state of the house. He started moving clothes off the sofa gathering them into a pile. 'Sorry about the mess. I've been meaning to put all of this away...'

'Robert...' Aaron reached out and placed a hand on the other man's arm to stop him. 'It's fine. Leave it. Why don't you go upstairs and have a shower yeah?'

Robert did as he was told and made his way up the stairs, leaving Aaron and Seb alone. Aaron carefully removed Seb's hat and coat without waking him up. There was a moses basket in the corner of the living room and he put Seb down in there leaving him to sleep, then he went into the kitchen and made Robert a cup of tea which he took upstairs and placed on the bedside table in what was now Robert's bedroom, his eyes lingered on the bed, the rumpled duvet giving away the fact that Robert still slept on the left side. Aaron's eyes also fell on the cot that had been placed beside the bed, so Robert could easily reach Seb when he woke during the night. The sight brought a lump to his throat that Aaron couldn't quite explain. He could hear Robert in the bathroom, turning off the shower and Aaron quickly turned and went back downstairs. He hoped the other man would manage to sleep.

Downstairs, Aaron checked on Seb who was still sleeping soundly. Aaron considered the mess that was all around him and he sat down and started to fold the laundry. An hour later; everything looked better. Aaron had put Seb's clean clothes away in the drawers in the box room upstairs; Robert's he had folded neatly, ready to be put away when the man woke and Aaron had washed and put away the dishes in the kitchen. Aaron was just flicking on the kettle to make himself a cup of tea when he heard Seb starting to cry and he immediately went to pick him up. 

'Hey mate,' he said rocking him gently. 'Come on, we don't want to wake your daddy up do we?'

Aaron looked in the fridge but there was no sign of any ready made bottles. Unsure what to do, he reached for his phone, trusting Google to save him. He typed 'how to make a baby's bottle' into the search engine and one of the first websites that came up was from the NHS. He clicked on it and read the instructions. 'Sounds simple enough,' Aaron said to Sebastian and he found a bottle and the box of formula powder and got to work. 

Aaron sat on the sofa feeding Seb his bottle. The baby was looking up at him with wide, trusting, blue eyes. 

'You've got your Daddy's eyes,' Aaron told him. 'No mistaking them. You're going to be a little heartbreaker when you grow up aren't you?'

He felt a lump in his throat again but he quickly swallowed it down. 'Your daddy's doing his best you know,' Aaron said softly. 'Maybe you could give him a break for a bit? He's never been good when he's sleep deprived.' 

Seb gurgled.

'Alright then. I'm glad we understand each other,' Aaron nodded at him.

An hour later, when Robert came downstairs rubbing his eyes, he found Aaron still sitting on the sofa, Seb fast asleep in his arms. 

'Hey,' Aaron said with a warm smile. 

'Hey,' Robert replied. 'Sorry I didn't mean to sleep so long.'

'It's fine,' Aaron told him honestly. 'Feel better?'

'Loads,' Robert smiled. Then he looked around him, taking in the now tidy living room. 'Aaron you didn't have to do all this.'

'Robert shut up,' Aaron said without malice.

'Fine,' Robert replied with a warm smile reaching out to take Seb from Aaron and laying him back in his Moses basket. 'Thanks. And I'm sorry about my mini breakdown earlier.'

'Don't worry about it. What are friends for?'' Aaron said, and then almost shyly, 'maybe you could buy me a drink sometime if you really want to say thanks?'

Robert looked at him and raised his eyebrows. 'Really?'

'Yeah,' Aaron replied, 'if you want... it could even be a date...'

'I'm not sure...' 

'Oh,' Aaron said, feeling rejected. 'It's fine. Don't worry...'

'No,' Robert cut him off. 'I mean, I'm not sure which nights Vic's working. I'd need to ask her to babysit.'

Aaron felt a warmth spreading through him and he couldn't help the smile. 'Ok,' he said. 'Let me know.'

'You can always stay for dinner now if you want?... I can order a takeaway.'

'Yeah?' Aaron asked biting his lip. 'Yeah ok. I'd love to.'

Robert grinned and went into the kitchen to get the takeaway menus, everything suddenly feeling a whole lot brighter.


	2. 9 months

‘Dada.’

The word hangs in the air and Aaron just stares at the little boy who’s sitting in his lap, he’s been pulling faces and making Seb laugh for a good ten minutes after he’d woken up from his nap. 

Robert’s just nipped to the shop, of course he has and he’s missed hearing it. He’s been trying to make Seb say it for the last two months, encouraging him to form meaningful syllables from the stream of nonsensical chatter and now he’s gone and said it and Robert isn’t there. Seb has said the words to Aaron. 

‘Dada,’ Seb says again. ‘Dadada.’

Aaron feels a jolt in his stomach at the sound of the words. He and Robert are in a good place now, a really good place. They've taken it slow. They've talked about everything and Aaron has even been thinking about asking Robert if he wants to move in with him again when his tenancy comes up for renewal.

This though, this is something they've not talked about - what Aaron is to Seb - is he just his Daddy's boyfriend or is he actually Seb's parent? He doesn't want to assume - he doesn't want to do the wrong thing and sometimes if he's honest, it still hurts when he thinks about how Seb came into this world. He's forgiven Robert, he really has and he loves Seb, but the pain is still real. 

'Not Dada,' Aaron tells Seb. 'Aaron.'

'Dada.'

'Aaron.'

'Dadada.'

‘I’m sorry mate,’ Aaron tells the baby, as though he could understand. ‘I’m not Dada. I wish I was though.’

'I don't know,' Robert's voice says from behind him. 'Sounds like he's made his mind up to me.'

Aaron turns around and looks at his boyfriend. 'I didn't hear you come in,' he says almost sheepishly.

Robert smiles and comes to join Aaron on the sofa. 'So how about it?' Robert asks. 'Sounds like Seb wants you to be his daddy.'

'You're his daddy, Robert.'

'Yeah and you're his Daddy Aaron - or you can be. If you want.'

Sebastian laughs and reaches out to tug at Aaron’s beard. Aaron can’t help but grin at the pure joy in the baby’s eyes. 

'It's a pretty big deal isn't it, being someone's daddy?'

'Yeah,' Robert replies. 'You up for it Dingle?'

Aaron looks as Seb's laughing face and smiles. 'Yeah alright.'

Daddy Aaron. He thinks he can be that


	3. 4 years

‘“...And so you see you really are a very useful engine indeed Thomas, said the fat controller...”’

‘Dad, what’s biagorical?’

Robert paused in the middle of reading the bedtime story and frowned. 

‘Where did you hear that?’

‘Nanna Chas was talking to Daddy Aaron and she said it’ll be nice to have a biagorical grandchild.’

Robert felt a mix of sadness and anger rush through him. Why had Aaron and Chas been talking about this when Seb was around? What the hell had they been playing at?

Robert swallowed hard forcing himself to keep his emotions in check. He knew he owed his son an honest answer but he had hoped this conversation would wait at least a couple more years. 

‘It’s biological,’ he said. ‘It’s to do with who a baby’s mummy and daddy are.’

‘Like you and Daddy Aaron?’

‘Yes,’ Robert replied softly. ‘Only, a baby only has one biological mummy and daddy. Your mummy is Rebecca,’ he pointed towards the photo that sat beside his son’s bed. ‘And even though she had to go and live in heaven, she’s still your mummy and well - your biological daddy is me.’

Seb frowned. ‘What about Daddy Aaron?’

Robert swallowed again. ‘Well, Daddy Aaron didn’t help make you...’ Robert felt the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. ‘...as much as I wish he could’ve...’

‘Did Daddy Aaron make the new baby that’s coming?’

Robert looked down at his son’s blonde head. ‘We don’t know yet,’ he answered honestly. ‘We both helped with this one but we don’t know which one of us...helped the most.’

They weren’t planning on finding out either but Robert knew it would probably be obvious once the surrogate gave birth - he was secretly hoping for a dark haired child with Aaron’s eyes. 

Seb turned and buried his face in Robert’s chest and Robert kissed the top of his son’s head. ‘Don’t worry about it ok?’ Robert told him. ‘Me and Daddy Aaron both love you very much.’

Seb nodded and went quiet, still cuddled into Robert’s chest, Robert continued with the bedtime story. 

Once Seb was tucked up in bed with his nightlight on, Robert went downstairs to find Aaron in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. 

‘Everything ok?’ his husband asked, seeing the look on Robert’s face. 

‘You tell me,’ Robert replied. 

‘What are you on about?’

‘Had any interesting conversations with your mother lately, about her wanting biological grandchildren?’

Aaron frowned. ‘How did you know about that?’

‘Seb heard you,’ Robert told him. ‘He’s just been asking me what it meant. So come on then, what were you talking about?’

‘Look, whatever you’re thinking right now Robert, I can bet you’ve got it all wrong.’

‘Really? So Chas hasn’t been found here slagging me off and saying she wants a biological grandchild because Seb isn’t good enough for her and unless you’re the biological dad, the baby won’t be either?’

Aaron put his hands up to his face and sighed. ‘It wasn’t like that. Mum came round the other day when you were at work and yeah, she started asking me about if we were going to find out paternity and I told her no. The baby’s ours it doesn’t matter who provided the sperm. I thought Seb was playing in his room. I didn’t know he heard us.’

‘You should’ve told me what she’s been saying,’ Robert sighed. 

‘I only didn’t tell you because I knew you’d kick off. I promise I set her straight.’

‘Sorry, I know you would've,' Robert said softly. 'It's just... I don’t want Seb to feel like he’s second best when the baby comes. I felt like that pretty much my whole life. I don’t want it for him.’

‘Rob... you know you aren’t your Dad and I’m not either.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, the new baby, it’s not going to be like when Andy came along. I’m not looking for “the child I always wanted” and neither are you. We have a child. We are having another one because we want another one, not because we want a replacement. Seb isn’t going to get pushed aside by either of us.’

Robert looked down at the floor. ‘I want our baby so much Aaron, so much. But you know I never felt like that with Seb. I didn't want him and I just feel so guilty about that.’

Aaron moved towards his husband and drew him into an embrace. ‘I know it was messed up,’ Aaron told him softly. ‘We both made mistakes. But we got through it and the important thing is, when you held Seb in your arms for the first time, you loved him and you stepped up and you’ve always been there for him, you’ve always given him everything he’s needed.’

‘I really love you,’ Robert said softly. 

‘I really love you too.’

Robert had hoped that was the end of it but it wasn’t. A week later he came home from work to find Sebastian’s dinner on the kitchen floor and his son in the midst of an epic tantrum. 

‘Sebastian,’ Aaron was saying, in a tone of voice that Robert recognised as meaning his husband was close to losing his temper. ‘You’ll go to the naughty step if you don’t start behaving.’ 

‘You can’t put me on the naughty step!’ Sebastian screeched. ‘You aren’t my daddy! I hate you!’

‘Sebastian,’ Robert’s voice was firm and authoritative. ‘You need to stop this behaviour right now.’

Sebastian continued to scream and so Robert picked his son up and placed him on the bottom step of the staircase - the designated ‘naughty step’ and informed him that he needed to stay there for four minutes. Robert then walked away from his son and went to his husband, who was in the process of clearing up the mess from the kitchen floor. 

‘Are you ok?’ Robert asked. Aaron just shrugged and nodded his head. 

‘You know he doesn’t mean it don’t you?’

'I know,' Aaron replied but he didn't sound convinced. 

Four minutes later, Robert approached a now quiet Sebastian. He'd stopped crying but tears still marked his cheeks and his face was red.

'Right,' Robert began, kneeling down beside his son. 'Do you understand why you were put on the naughty step?'

Seb nodded. 'I threw my dinner.'

'You threw your dinner on the floor,' Robert explained calmly. 'And you said some unkind things to Daddy Aaron didn't you?'

Seb nodded again. 

'Do you have anything to say?' 

'Sorry Daddy.'

'Do you think you need to say sorry to anybody else?'

Seb got up from the step and walked over to the chair where Aaron was sitting and stood in front of him. 'Sorry Daddy Aaron.'

'It's ok bug,' Aaron smiled. 'Do you want to have a cuddle?'

Seb nodded and Aaron picked him up and sat him on his lap, wrapping his arms around him tightly. 

'Love you,' Aaron whispered to his son and pressed a kiss to his forehead. 

That night, Aaron told Robert that he would get Seb ready for bed. Once he was in his pyjamas and had brushed his teeth, Seb settled on his bed ready for his bedtime story. 

'I thought we could have a new story tonight bug,' Aaron told him and Seb nodded in agreement. 

'A long time ago,' Aaron began. 'There was a boy called Aaron...'

'Like you?' Seb interrupts.

'Yeah,' Aaron nods. 'Just like me. Anyway, this Aaron - he was really sad a lot of the time because he didn't have a daddy and his mummy couldn't look after him because... she was being held prisoner by an evil ogre called Carl.'

'That's not a very good name for an ogre.'

'Well - there wasn't much about Carl that was good. Anyway, Aaron was sad because he had no parents and nowhere to live but one day he met a really kind man called Paddy.'

'Like Grandpa Paddy?'

'Yep that's right. And Paddy told Aaron that it was ok, that he could come and live with him and he would be his Daddy.'

'Was Aaron happy then?'

'He was,' Aaron continued. 'But it wasn't easy. Sometimes Aaron would get angry at Paddy and shout and say horrible things that he didn't mean; and sometimes Paddy had to tell Aaron off because Aaron would do something naughty, but Paddy always loved him... and then when Aaron grew up he met a man called Robert...'

'That's Daddy's name.'

'It is isn't it?' Aaron replied with a smile. 'And when they first met Aaron and Robert both did a lot of silly things, but in the end they decided that they loved each other and wanted to get married but by this time Robert had a little boy of his own... shall we call him Seb?'

Seb nodded. 

'So Seb wasn't Aaron's own child then but Aaron remembered that he hadn't been Paddy's own child either but Paddy was still the best Dad Aaron could have had and so Aaron decided that it didn't matter that he hadn't helped to make Seb. He would love him anyway and always think of him as his own son and even if Seb got angry and upset sometimes, Aaron wouldn't ever stop loving him.'

'Daddy Aaron?'

'Yes bug?'

'What about if there was another baby that came to live with them that Aaron loved more than Seb?'

'There wouldn't ever be,' Aaron explained. 'Even if there were a hundred more children Aaron would still love Seb just the same and so would Robert.'

'That's a good story,' Seb smiled. 

'It's a true story,' Aaron replied and he stood up and tucked Seb into bed, placing a kiss on his forehead. 'Sleep well little man.'


End file.
